Bartender Quotes by Broken Bartender

70 Funny Bartender Quotes to Inspire You Behind The Bar (and Get Laughs Too)

Behind every great bar is a barman or lady bartender armed with more than just cocktail shakers and a damn good selection of spirits – and wisdom. The best bartenders are a living encyclopedia of stories and fun facts. All crowdsourced, of course, while pouring drinks for the thousands of friendly folk and weary wayfarers seated across the bar. 

Your job as bartender is part mixologist and part adult daycare director. Nothing captures that spirit of bartending like good bartender quotes.

Whether you're shaking drinks or mixing up words, serving the right quote at the right time can add a dash of humor, a splash of wisdom, and a whole lot of charm. But great bartender sayings do more than entertain your guests – they also provide you with a healthy dose of bartending inspiration. 

Having an arsenal of quotes to recall from your memory banks keeps you from turning into the next bartender stereotype. These quotes can also keep you motivated and committed to the cause, which is – let's be honest – serving drinks and life advice to the thirsty.

At Broken Bartender, we compiled 70 of the greatest, wittiest, and most inspirational quotes for you to both live and mix by. 

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Classic bartending quotes from the legends

Like a fine whisky, some quotes get better with age. Here are a few classic bartender sayings that you may already have heard – but never get old. 

  1. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill
  2. “A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.” – Albert Einstein
  3. “Good people drink good beer.” – Hunter S. Thompson
  4. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra
  5. “The world will always need bartenders, but the world will also always need dreamers.” – Dale DeGroff
  6. “The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.” – Richard Braunstein
  7. "That's the magic of a great bartender – the sleight of hand at play, to hide all the work and serve up the pleasure." – Jim Meehan
  8. Lady bartenders live a tougher life than anybody knows.”  – James Crumley
  9. “By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.”  – Don Marquis
  10. “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.”  – Dean Martin
  11. “The best drink in the world is the one in your hand.” – Harry Gordon Johnson
  12. “I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.” – Al McGuire
  13. “The greatest accomplishment of a bartender lies in his ability to exactly suit his customer.”  – Harry Gordon Johnson
  14. “The basic thing is to be humble and pretend you’re a bartender in the tavern of life. Don’t get too comfortable and don’t really listen to anybody else.” – James McBride


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Quotes for liquid courage

We all have days when we could use some pep talk, both us barkeepers and our guests. These motivational quotes help bring out your best cocktail game and serve a dose of inspiration for your partner across the bar.

  1. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemingway
  2. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
  3. “The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.” – Mark Twain
  4. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky
  5. “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.” – Elizabeth Taylor
  6. “The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.” – Mark Twain
  7. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” – G.K. Chesterton

 Best Gifts for Bartenders by Broken Bartender

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Reel talk from the movies

We’re going to the movies! 

Few phrases are as well received and universally recognized as those coming from Hollywood. These movie quotes for bartenders are worth knowing by heart and sharing with any movie buff at your bar. 

  1. “A martini. Shaken, not stirred.” – James Bond, Goldfinger
  2. “The best thing about being a bartender is having the power to help someone else unwind.” – Brian Flanagan, Cocktail
  3. “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” – Rick Blaine, Casablanca
  4. “I drink your milkshake!” – Daniel Plainview, There Will Be Blood
  5. “Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
  6. “You talking to me?” – Travis Bickle, Taxi Driver
  7. “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.” – Vito Corleone, The Godfather
  8. I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.” – Ron Burgundy, Anchorman
  9. “Here’s to the ones who dream, foolish as they may seem.” – Mia, La La Land
  10. “A little tequila, sunshine, and tacos never hurt anybody.” – Ron Woodroof, Dallas Buyers Club


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Hashtag happy hour

Meticulously crafted for your social feed, these bartender quotes for Instagram and TikTok have the power to make your posts pop and your followers praise your bartending prowess. Hashtag influencer! 

  1. "Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please." – P.J. O’Rourke
  2. “A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.” – Jean-Jaques Rousseau
  3. “Trust me, you can dance.” – Vodka (from a popular meme)
  4. "Cocktails, like dreams, are made of the spirit stuff." – Danny Meyer
  5. "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." – Frank Sinatra
  6. "Hashtag happy hour!" – The Internet

Best Gifts for Bartenders by Broken Bartender

Funny quotes for bar banter

Funny quotes can double as jokes for bartenders and are infused with plenty of bartender humor.  Do yourself a favor and memorize these quotes to put a smile on your face before your shift starts. Here are nine funny bar quotes to keep the laughter flowing freely and spirits high, and turn your part of the bar into the go-to spot for a good time.

  1. “I only drink on two occasions: when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.” – Brendan Behan
  2. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
  3. “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart
  4. “Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.” – Steve Allen
  5. “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” – W.C Fields
  6. “Oh, you hate your job? why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
  7. Hear no evil, speak no evil, and you won’t be invited to cocktail parties.” — Oscar Wilde
  8. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
  9. “You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name – and you’ve never been to that bar before.”  – Zach Galifianakis


Source: Pexels

Quotes for the cocktail connoisseurs

Do you consider the above bar quotes funny

Wait until you read these next ones filled with cocktail stereotypes. But be honest – all have our favorite spirit, our ride-or-die drink. These bartender quotes are the author’s odes of their go-to drinks. Have them ready next time you’re serving ‘the usual’.

  1. “One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.” – James Thurber
  2. “I never should have switched from Scotch to Martinis.” – Humphrey Bogart
  3. “Always carry a flask of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.” – Mark Twain
  4. “Never delay kissing a pretty girl or opening a bottle of whiskey.” – Ernest Hemingway
  5. “The light music of whiskey falling into a glass—an agreeable interlude.” – James Joyce
  6. “Good people drink good beer.” – Hunter S. Thompson
  7. “The gin and tonic has saved more Englishmen’s lives, and minds, than all the doctors in the Empire.” – Winston Churchill
  8. “What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today.” – Edgar Allan Poe
  9. Take life with a pinch of salt, a shot of tequila, and a wedge of lime so nothing at all but take your time.” – John Walter Bratton
  10. “Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila.” – Mark Z. Danielewski
  11. “If life gives you limes, make margaritas.” – Jimmy Buffet
  12. “Champagne is one of the elegant extras in life.” – Charles Dickens
  13. “Always carry champagne. In victory you deserve it and in defeat you need it!” – Napoléon Bonaparte
  14. “Wine is one of the most agreeable and essential ingredients of life.” – Julia Child
  15. “There’s naught, no doubt, so much the spirit calms as rum and true religion.” – Lord Byron


Source: Pexels

Quotes for the philosophical drinker

Bartenders know that there’s infinite wisdom at the bottom of a cocktail glass. To accompany that mood of waxing philosophically, here are some quotes of wisdom for the professional bartender and their clientele. 

  1. “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” – Unknown
  2. “There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.” – Benjamin Franklin
  3. “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.” – Lord Byron
  4. ”A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.”- Louis Pasteur
  5. “In vino veritas.” – Pliny the Elder (“In wine, there is truth.”)
  6. "Wine is sunlight, held together by water." – Galileo Galilei
  7. “A theory that you can’t explain to a bartender is probably no damn good.” – Ernest Rutherford
  8. "Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life." - George Bernard Shaw
  9. "Drink moderately, for drunkenness neither keeps a secret, nor observes a promise." – Miguel de Cervantes

[Whether mixing cocktails or engaging in banter, let your attire speak volumes with Broken Bartender's unique selection of stylish clothing and cheeky accessories for bartenders with a sense of humor.]

 Best Gifts for Bartenders by Broken Bartender

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